Human relationships, a divine gift, began with the union of man and woman in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:20-24). This foundational marriage served three key objectives, which extend to all significant relationships:
- Companionship: God recognized Adam’s solitude and provided a partner.
- Help: Adam was given a task, and Eve was created as a helper to accomplish it.
- Procreation: God intended humanity to multiply through this union.
Marriage: The First Institution
Marriage, the first institution established and ordained by God, was designed with these clear objectives: companionship, help, and procreation.
In contrast to God’s order, the modern world often redefines marriage, leading to complications. God, being a God of order, established a structure for marriage where the man is the head. This divine order is often challenged, a reflection of Satan’s opposition to God’s design.
Ephesians 5:22-25 outlines the roles within marriage: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
It’s crucial to understand that this order functions effectively only when both husband and wife are submitted to God. Without the Spirit of God guiding them, the system falters.
Often, husbands misinterpret their leadership as an excuse for authoritarianism, seeing themselves as superior and expecting to be served. However, Jesus’ model of leadership, as stated in Mark 10:45, is one of service: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” The husband’s responsibility is to love his wife as Christ loved the church—a demanding task. Many focus on the submission instruction, perceiving it as oppressive, but the command to love like Jesus carries immense weight. Worldly men may believe their headship grants them privileges, but it is, in fact, a call to serve their families.
Wives, on the other hand, are tasked with submitting to their husbands. This implies a gracious acceptance of the husband’s direction when he is firm, understanding that she is submitting to a husband who is himself submitted to Christ, and thus, ultimately to Jesus.
The enemy seeks to disrupt this divine order by fostering unloving husbands and unsubmissive wives.
Cultivating a Godly Marriage
For those married to unloving husbands or unsubmissive wives, a godly marriage remains attainable. This imbalance indicates that God may not be the foundation of the marriage, and the one who recognizes this deficit should invite God into the union.
God desires to be part of our marriages and awaits an invitation. It’s essential to recognize that your spouse is not the enemy, even if they act like one; rather, there is an adversary targeting your union. Begin by viewing your spouse as a child of God. Confess your own shortcomings in the marriage to God. Husbands, if unloving, confess and repent. Wives, if unsubmissive, seek God’s forgiveness.
When we bring our struggling marriages to God, He expects honesty about both our partner’s failures and, more importantly, our own. God accepts your invitation. Even if your partner isn’t immediately ready for change, God only needs one willing person. He begins individual healing. While immediate changes in your spouse may not be evident, trust that God is at work. During this healing process, take your laments about your spouse to God alone, allowing Him to address them.
Women should ask God for help to respect and submit to their husbands, while husbands should seek God’s help to love and value their wives.
1 Peter 3:1-2 encourages wives: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words, by the behaviours of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Both men and women possess unique power for their marital roles. In Satan’s hands, a man’s power manifests as authority and control; in God’s hands, it becomes leadership. For women, power in Satan’s hands is manipulation, but in God’s hands, it is influence. A godly woman, through her conduct, influences her husband positively. Without God’s guidance, a woman can become manipulative, using tears, insults, or other tactics to force her will.
It’s vital to recognize when Satan is using our power against our spouse. When we invite God into our marriages, we must be willing to submit the power He gave us to be used appropriately.
Understandably, many are skeptical of this approach, fearing exploitation. Advising prayer for marriages, especially for women, can feel outdated or oppressive. However, view it as giving God a chance to mend a broken marriage, not as condoning abuse, but as an opportunity for God to heal you and guide you toward His will for your life.
Once God begins your healing, He will also start working on your spouse. In His eyes, you are one, so inviting Him into your life extends to your spouse’s life. Eventually, your spouse will either embrace change or leave the marriage—there is no middle ground.
As God heals you, you become incompatible with brokenness. If it’s His will to save the marriage, He will heal your partner. If not, God will lead you to a more fulfilling life. God will not allow His children to remain oppressed after inviting Him in for healing and transformation.
We often remain in dysfunctional marriages because we haven’t allowed God to heal the parts of us compatible with that dysfunction. Sometimes, we’re unaware of the brokenness within us that attracts an abusive spouse. When we recognize our role in perpetuating dysfunction, we welcome God’s help to address it. As He works on our brokenness, He will either heal our spouse’s brokenness or remove us from the situation, as our healed selves are no longer compatible with it.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 states, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This verse highlights the often underestimated spiritual power of a unified marriage. When a husband and wife are in agreement and united, they become a formidable force. The schemes of the enemy are rendered ineffective against them and their children. Together, backed by God, they can achieve anything they set their collective minds to.
Friendships: A Valued Asset
Many are not discerning about their close friendships, assuming that simply crossing paths with someone makes them “close friends.” While respectful and amicable relations with all are good, it’s unwise to allow everyone into your inner circle. Just as you consult God before marriage, consult Him before allowing someone into your intimate life. You can be friendly without sharing intimate details.
The adage “Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are” holds truth.
Matthew 18:18-20 highlights the power of relationships: “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them.”
This scripture emphasizes that strong friendships are built on common values and agreement. Evaluate your friends’ values; do they align with yours, or do they conflict? Friendships lacking shared values will struggle to agree on important matters and therefore cannot truly benefit us.
Many maintain “close friendships” with individuals who don’t genuinely wish them well, are jealous, competitive, or disagree on core values. These friendships are not worth keeping. Friendships should be viewed as assets. With the right friends, you can agree on matters and collectively “loose things here on earth and in heaven” through prayer. If your friends are primarily for gossip, venting, and competition, a “friendship purge” may be necessary.
To be a good friend, we must first understand what that entails. A good friend offers companionship, helps friends achieve their God-given assignments, and can help create something new through prayer. For example, if a friend is struggling, offer companionship by visiting, going for coffee, or having a long phone conversation. If a friend has an assignment—raising kids, running a business, or a project—be willing to assist. If a friend has a business idea or wants to create something new, genuinely be happy for her, agree with her, and be a prayer partner to help “loose this idea in heaven.”
When friends don’t share our values, we cannot count on them to truly support our pursuits. They may subtly undermine us, even acting supportive outwardly while criticizing our choices behind our backs. Such friendships lack the agreement necessary for prosperity, as they cannot effectively “loose things here on earth and in heaven.” with us.
With this in mind, first evaluate your own values with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, seeking alignment with God’s will. Once your values are aligned, ask God to help you find friendships that share these values. Pray for your other friends that God may align their values as well. However, your inner circle should be reserved for those God qualifies as intimate friends.
Your intimate circle becomes the group with whom you share matters close to your heart, knowing they have your best interests at heart. They become your prayer partners, challenging you to remain true to your values. These friends are not in competition with you; they embrace their own unique paths, understanding that you are walking together, yet on individual journeys. When needed, they are glad to play the role of pace-setters as opposed to racing you in your own race.
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